Need A Website Built?

Posted: January 20, 2012 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

You probably do!  Regardless of whether you are slaving away as a busboy at T.G.I.Fridays (which by the way, kudos to you for not blowing your brains out!) or pouring blood, sweat, and tears into your new start-up; a website can mean so much to so many.

“CHRIS!  You don’t have a website yet?”  Over and over people would look at me as if they just watched me eat the still beating heart out of a newborn Panda’s chest.  “But…why don’t you have a website?”  As a comedian, there has to be a place for “fans” to check out your dates and to keep bookers in the loop of what you’re doing.  I did not have a website because I am cheap and I am cheap.

I bought my domain from a popular website that is endorsed by a race car driver that has never won a major race.  However, she has a vagina and is not hard on the eyes.  Regardless of where I purchased the domain, I also signed up for a website builder program that is just…mind F’n boggling.  Ever want to know what a schizophrenic feels like when the whispers become too much to bear?  Have you ever thought to yourself, “self, you have never had a psychotic episode before and I think it is high time we enjoyed this experience together.”  Go build a website!

Now I know there’s techie types that eat this crap up and laugh at the rest of the minions that falter at the hands of webdesign.  Then there’s the guy that will read your HTML back to you and explain to you in HTML terms what the problem is with your probably-about-to-get-second-in-the-Special Olympics-web-design!  You sit there slack jawed, grabbing at imaginary pooh so you can throw it at him in a violent manner.  Alas, you may be brilliant in something else that you do in life but the sad reality is that web design is not part of your repertoire.  Perhaps you consider yourself a Renaissance type, but relax my gallant friend.  Web design is of the new fangled technology that is not impressed with the fact that you write dopey poetry and you painted a few pieces of fruit once.

If you need a website built, have some 17 year old, self taught, hates the world but loves technology, High School junior to build it for you.  This is the same kid that can’t have a grown up conversation with someone unless they reference Middle Earth, dungeons and dragons, or weed.  Hit your neighbors kid up and toss him a hundred bucks and let him go buck wild.  Technology does not elude me, but I am starting to get tired of trying to update my website and if I choose to do so on a good day will ultimately force me to question my self worth!  I guess the only way to conclude this commentrant (that’s commentary and rant together…I can do that because I drink PBR, wear skinny jeans, and design graphics for websites…) is to put the blame on Al Gore…way to go, dick!  (Al Gore claimed that he invented the internet)

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