Muted Ramblings

Posted: July 5, 2012 in Uncategorized

I’m so tired of politicians; if I wanted someone to smile in my face and lie to me, I’d visit my ex-wife.

The reality of religion is this: no one that espouses religion ever seems to follow it.  If Christian politicians were truly Christian, they’d learn humility!

People whose children have peanut allergies need to stop getting so adamant in peanut free schools.  You don’t see kids with grass or pollen allergies asking for the football field to get paved over!

Bob Dylan makes me wonder what acid flashbacks must feel like.

Mitt Romney reminds me of that guy in college that nobody liked.  They let him hang out because he was rich and would buy all the beer.

Independence Day should be held in reverence to those that embodied an utopian government; sadly, our mistakes harken back to the very warnings our forefathers so adamantly warned us against.  Change happens but only through the work of those that believe in others as much as they believe in themselves.

People that quote other people when they talk should receive a beating that leaves them dangling on the precipice of death’s doorway.  Said beating should be done with a French baguette or a foam pool noodle.

I think knowing the difference between hanged and hung can make you enjoy life tenfold.  “Damn, he was hung?”  (Me:  Chuckle Chuckle)  “Yeah, that’s how he asked to be executed.”  (Me:  Dummies!)

I love meeting people that are offended by words.  You gotta get what words a woman doesn’t like before you begin to get intimate.  No one wants to offend a woman with the wrong nomenclature.  Typically, the C-word is a safe bet for upsetting a woman’s delicate nature.  If she isn’t offended by its use, best make like Beyonce and put a ring on it!

I love flowery language.  A friend of mine many years ago called someone a turdfarmer.  I thought about it and realized quickly that one who farms turds would just be a shitty person.  I reserve this term for a select few.

I don’t really appreciate misogyny in comedy; I prefer good old fashioned misogyny from the dredges of society.  They are the ones that have it down!

Not a fan of people using the term “gay” to describe something.  Unless of course, the thing someone is describing involves anal sex between two men, then using gay is warranted.

Indifference is merely a flaw in someone’s character.  You can’t expect someone that’s indifferent to make a decision; if they’re truly indifferent they had a hard time deciding whether listening to your question was worth their time.  Then you hit them over the head with something written by Thoreau.

If Oscar Wilde were alive today, he would go through customs and when asked if he had anything to declare, his response would have been more like, “I have nothing to declare but my genius…and I like men! Faaaaaaaaabulous!”

Kanye West is dating Kim Kardashian…whoop dee doo, two self involved asshats that tweet things to each other when they’re standing next to each other. 




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