I have to come out and admit something that has eaten away at me for many years.  I hope my friends and family will still accept me for who I am.  I know that a large part of society finds my orientation gross and appalling.  If they had their druthers, I would be wiped from this Earth along with all the others like me.  God, I can’t believe I’m making this declaration through my blog: I…..am………a Liberal!

There, I said it.  I know many of you already knew it but I feared coming out and being scrutinized for something that I cannot control.  Many will argue that being liberal is a choice, but I contend that I was born this way.  I have to admit that I feel like a new person admitting it publicly.  I mean, when I came out to my wife, she took it so well.  Of course, she admitted her Liberalism a long time ago.

Some hinted to me that they knew I was liberal because of the way I speak.  Others  know because of the people I associate with and how those people talk and act.  I just want to be accepted and to have my opinions heard and not have my character assassinated because I live a lifestyle that does not always reflect the core values that so many of my “normal” Conservative friends expect from me.  I know they want me to join their flock, to become like them, to be part of their congregation: a group of “sheeple” that know best.

According to Dictionary.com, a website that I am pretty sure is devoid of any Liberal or Conservative view points defines Conservative and Liberal as:

CONSERVATIVE: [kuh n-sur-vuh-ti] (adj):  disposed to preserve existing conditions, institutions, etc., or to restore traditional ones, and to limit change.

LIBERAL:  [lib-er-uh l] (adj): favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.

Which one do I choose, which one do I choose?  Decisions, decisions.

I’ll go with Liberal!  I know it breaks the hearts of those minions toiling away in their bastions of self-righteousness, but if we take the definitions as they stand, liberal just sounds, I don’t know, progressive?



If you, God or no-God (your choice) forbid, received a diagnosis of having cancer, would you rather see a conservative doctor or a liberal doctor?  (I’m not talking political affiliation.)  I literally mean would you see a doctor that started practicing medicine thirty years ago and believes the technology and medical knowledge of 1984 would best serve your health and recovery?  Would you feel comfortable with a doctor that pressed on your stomach and said, “Mrs. Jones, I don’t feel anything; you’re good to go!”  Of course not!  If you are such a contrarian that you would say yes, then I truly hope you never develop cancer.

I would prefer to see the doctor that runs a gauntlet of tests, calls upon the science and technology used to treat cancer so that I have a fighting chance.  I would rather associate with the doctor that is willing to accept new ideas in order to best take care of her patients.  I know, just a crazy liberal viewpoint prattling on and on about progress.

Imagine your favorite restaurant for a minute.  Let’s say they have the most amazing Shrimp Scampi.  Upon ordering your meal, the waiter notifies you that the new management is taking a conservative approach to how many shrimp they put into your most favorite meal.  Placed methodically upon a mound of pasta are four sad shrimp that look more like krill than say, a prawn.  Perfect if you have baleen teeth, but unfortunately, you’re a person, not a whale.

Now, imagine that same restaurant fell under liberal ownership.  The same waiter notifies you that instead of diminishing the size of the shrimp and the amount of the shrimp, they’ve opted to go with six prawns heaped onto a generous portion of pasta.  The price stays the same but we all know that means less profit for the restaurant, but at these prices and these portions, you are more likely to return to said restaurant and spend MORE of your money.  I guess that would never work, huh?  I mean, imagine if stores sold their products in bulk.  They would surely go out of business.  Except for Sam’s Club, BJ’s, Costco, PriceMart and City Club.


I get it!  You work your ass for your money and it bothers you that some welfare leech is living off  your hard-earned money.  Even though I am liberal, I get it and it does piss me off that there are those that abuse the system.  Don’t you just hate it when people who survive on welfare and food stamps find ways to get over on the government?  Imagine if honest, tax paying corporations tried to do that.  Oh, wait.

I have a degree in English so please forgive my rudimentary attempt at math.  However, let’s use GE as an example in comparison to 740,000 welfare recipients IF they cleared $50,000 a year from the federal government.  Yes, I said $50,000 and 740,000 welfare recipients.  Find me one,  singular person that clears $50,000 a year from welfare and I’ll be in line with the rest of those people Conservatives despise.  Regardless, GE, if it paid taxes the way the rest of us had to pay taxes, would have owed the United States government $37 BILLION dollars in 2012.  I know, free market economy, capitalism, et cetera, et cetera.

I’m liberal because there is something wrong when individuals want to scream “liberal media” but get bent out of shape when good old-fashioned numbers do not lie.  Yes, the media lies.  Yes, the media propagates stories and covers sensational information.  As a matter of fact, I’ve got boxes full of plastic sheeting and duct tape if anyone wants them.  The box is about twelve years old but it is free to a good home.

 If you’ve ever sat in front of Fox NEWS and felt like the God’s honest truth was streaming right at you, you are more than likely acting upon your own self-preservation and adhering to a belief system that aligns with your own provincial views.  You cannot slam Liberals for NOT buying into Fox NEWS when Conservatives choose to discredit all other news sources because THEY have an agenda.

Moreover, I find it comical when people Tweet their outrage over the Liberal media’s coverage of events like Ferguson and then use completely unrelated stories to counter the Ferguson issue in order to highlight how the media only cares about “black” issues and issues when “black” people are murdered.  This is where I come right out and say, “Shut up!”  In NYC, there have been 225 murders  this year.  In Philadelphia, 191.  How many of those stories do you know about?  If any of those incidents were perpetrated by cops shooting unarmed people, we would all know about it.  Don’t argue hypocrisy when the “Not In My Backyard” mentality is alive and well in this country.

If you are more outraged by the Ray Rice incident and how it was handled, Liberal or Conservative, than you are about the REASONS and CONDITIONS behind why so many people are murdered in our inner cities each year, then you are no different from the very news outlets you love to bitch about.

Perhaps I am Liberal because I feel real Patriotism; not the feigned Patriotism that Conservatives put on display when someone even mentions the topic of the 2nd Amendment.  I am Patriotic when I see high school students and educators walking out of their schools in Colorado because a Conservative school boards pushed their agenda to eliminate curriculum that mentions civil disobedience because it is dangerous to America. READ THE FULL STORY:

Civil Disobedience is why America exists.  Any dip shit can shoot someone; George Zimmerman, Darren Wilson, Ali Muhammad Brown and Adam Lanza proved that point well enough.

For the record, I believe the 2nd Amendment has its place in America.  I do not think the government has the right, nor should it ever try to repeal the second amendment.  However, if you are going to hold fast on a right established by the government nearly two and one half centuries ago, admit that there is a fundamental difference between a musket and a semi automatic rifle.  If you are not willing to accept that logical assertion then you don’t actually defend the 2nd Amendment, you defend your right to broaden its intention.Militia man

Sorry, Conservatives, but the real Patriots are those that stand up for their rights and use the Amendment that comes before the beloved 2nd Amendment.  Young men and women that stand up and say, “We have a right to know the history of the very country that we will one day inherit, warts and all.”

I am a Liberal because I have seen what stagnation does to a society.  I know what the same old tired arguments sounds like because I have heard it over and over again.  I am far from Politically Correct and I will nod my head in the direction of fiscal accountability, fixing the problems that leave this country beholden to those that hold our debt and collect interest from war and social programs that have become bastardized and twisted memories of sound programs.

I believe in America because I am raising three daughters that will one day have to navigate through the muck that OUR government has created.  If we heeded the brilliant wisdom of George Washington, the idea of a party system would have stalled and died before it ever became the exclusionary platforms that Americans cling to in order to become part of an accepting group.  However, since the lines in the sand look like they are here to stay, I will stand on the side of Liberalism because I still believe in progress.  Mock Obama’s slogan, “Yes, We Can” as much as you want, but in the end, I would rather look my children in the eyes and say, “Yes, We Can,” instead of folding my arms and saying, “No, We Won’t.”

By all means, please hurl insults and tell me that I am talking directly out of my arse.  This article is in response to people trying to discount my opinions and views because they “sound” liberal.  You will never, regardless whether you string together my 5,000 tweets and every Facebook post I’ve ever written, understand or know me until you attempt to understand and know me.  I never said I was right; I leave that to the fool hardy and the indignant.  All I did was defend my position.

Follow me on Twitter: @ChrisSmith215


  1. commentary2 says:

    I am always sorry to see someone fall under the spell of liberalism. I briefly explain here

    that applying the definition of the two terms is overly simplistic when considering two political ideologies that have very little to do with just the vernacular words. Your ensuing explanation seems to assume that conservatives would not want: a doctor to try new things (which is more difficult in government healthcare); corporations to pay taxes (through a simpler tax code); or more diversity of ideas (which is increasingly lost in academic settings thanks to liberals’ efforts). I don’t really understand the rest, but it seems that because you don’t like how some people of conservative persuasion behave you chose to believe a particular ideology. A lot of things that conservatives do make me shake my head, but I don’t let the actions of others define what I think. I have my base of principles of what is right and wrong, and others’ actions are not going to make me identify more or less with a particular ideology. Now that’s something to teach your girls.

    • Please do no lose site of the fact that I am a comedian. There is NOTHING that anyone else can to change how I see things.
      In regards to oversimplifying the two groups, I find both groups to be infuriating but at least my way of seeing things is more aligned to one “group” because independent thought is much maligned in this country.
      In regards to what I’m teaching my children, your implication that I am not giving my children the chance to see their own decisions through, then you chose to ignore the rest of what I said. Much like what you “couldn’t understand” but somehow forged through to the end, my point is that we all must have convictions and if my convictions are going to force OTHERS into providing me with a label, I guess I should embrace those elements if it means having to exist under a label so someone else can feel better. I am me.

  2. lwk2431 says:

    You are correct that conservatism tends to value the past and question the validity of change. Liberals on the other hand do not highly value the past (or often despise it) and rarely question the validity of the changes they support.

    Both are fundamentally wrong in that what they are most focused on is “change,” either for or against. The real question is not whether we should change, but will the change in reality lead to something better. Simply because you are for change does not mean your change will lead to nirvana (as witness the “Hope and Change” gang of recent history).

    In reality change is inevitable. The question really is whether we will advocate for change that is good or not. Most “liberals” today are in reality, if they truly understood it, advocating change that reverts to the past, that is, to less individual freedom and greater control by all-powerful authorities. 🙂

    • There’s no argument for fact. You’ve asserted that change is inevitable. Both points duly noted. However, individuals do the greater groups bidding. Unfortunate for both groups, the dopiest of the dopes for both sides become the mouthpieces for insufferable politics where both groups say no for the sake of saying no.
      Individual liberties are stripped from individuals because conservative politics refuses to acknowledge something that is fundamentally wrong for them to decide as politicians. There is much that is wrong with this world based on the name of Allah, the Muslim God. However, while we are far more tolerant, shouldn’t it scare good old fashioned white faced Americans that their God sounds a lot like their Allah and how much they Haaaaaaaaaaaaate this and Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate that. It’s gibberish and America swallows it hook, line and sinker. Unfortunately, we have politicians on both sides that would rather let OUR country flourish because they are pawns for corporations. That is an unjust world and CERTAINLY not the vision our forefathers had when they conceived America through midnight whispers and brilliant minds conceiving a democracy that even they could not fully comprehend because they broke a majority of the tenets they set forth.
      In regards to “change.” When Conservatives talk about how they don’t want change, they do so out of one side of their mouths because all America needs is change because the current guy is messing it all up. Please, don’t feed me dog food and tell me it’s fois gras. There’s but only so much word twisting that can be done until the “agenda” of one side wins out and the other side fumes for four years. Change can sometimes come from within; a rebirth of thought that leads to action that leads people to speak out in order to make REAL change. Either way, as you said, there’s no stopping it.

  3. ffb04 says:

    You are not liberal you are libertarian, fiend! Yes I meant fiend. Facetiously? Maybe. Good read, thanks.

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